The Miscarriage and A Big Freakin' Thank You

We had a miscarriage. 

Perhaps you didn't even know we were expecting?  Don't feel left out.  We tried to keep it pretty quiet, and for obvious reasons, I do not regret that decision. 

It has been almost two weeks since the miscarriage and nearly three since we became aware that our first pregnancy would not end the way we had hoped. 

We found out we were pregnant in mid-June and scheduled our first OB appointment the first week in August.  The pregnancy was normal, all of the usual symptoms - nausea, vomiting, zits, dizziness, food aversions, and etc.  We were very excited, obviously.  The symptoms began to decrease around week 9, and at week 10, I no longer felt nauseous.  Hallelujah right? 

First point of gratitude - we can get pregnant once, we can certainly do that again.

At the appointment, I was very nervous.  I usually am for big life moments.  After we spoke to the doctor, we went in for the ultrasound.  When the ultrasound was performed, the only thing we could see was a circle.  After some measuring, and a couple very long moments of silence, my doctor then explained that instead of the 11 weeks I should be measuring , I was only measuring 6.  He also did not find a heartbeat that should be detectable by then.  He called it a missed miscarriage.   After that I don't remember a lot of specifics other than him telling me the three most important things to remember were that it wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault, and of course, it wasn't my fault.

Gratitude point #2 - kind doctors are so much appreciated.  They deserve every penny they make.

We had the option of waiting for my body to figure it all out, or have a D&C procedure.

I had a D&C procedure done the next Wednesday.  It was very quick, painless, and every person in same day surgery was nice and extremely empathetic.  I remember the CRNA telling me he was so sorry and that he knew having a miscarriage this way with a first pregnancy must be really difficult.  See?  So nice!  It felt like a really good point to start over. 

Gratitude point #3 - Starting over is good.

I had a meltdown when I went back to work a couple days later.  I suspect my hormones played a role in the ugly cry face I displayed as I bawled for an hour and a half at work.  Every single person I work with was compassionate, loving, and supportive.  They didn't judge me for being a hot mess. 

Gratitude point #4 - I work with really great women. I got really lucky.

Throughout this situation, our immediate family and our friends have been there to help and support us in any way that they could.  All of the flowers, calls, and text messages were extremely comforting and meant more than words can adequately express.  I love our people.

#5 - Our people are too good to us.  We love you so much!

Last, but most importantly of all - that man I married.  We do everything as a team, and we did this as a team.  Having a baby meant (and means) as much to my husband as it did to me.  He is really the only person who understands me, and the only person strong enough to accept me through it all.  Even when I am crazy.  Even when I am sad, lonely, and frustrated.  He is it.  He is my rock.  I do not deserve such a man.

#6 -  By the grace of God, I met and married my soul mate.

I feel very much like my pre-preggo self, but with added appreciation for our many friends and family who have been endlessly supportive and loving.  Thank you all so much for being there for us during this little bump in the road. 

We love and appreciate you all more than you know!!!!