8,000,000 Credit Hours Later.

My very last ever, ever, forever semester of school starts next Wednesday.  PHEWWWWWWW!  I am this ( imagine index finger_____space____ thumb) close!  It's been a long haul.  Seriously, you have no idea!

The situation is this.  I am 23.  If you do the math, I should have a bachelors degree and now working on my masters degree.  I guess you could say I was one of those people who took the long way around. 

I graduated high school ready for a dang break.  I had worked my entire high school career on top of my curriculum - and full time my senior year.  

I wish I could have inserted that break here instead of going on with this story. 

When I got to Dixie, I thought that I could pull it out.  Hell, high school was a breeze.  I had been told by teachers, parents and friends my entire life that I was high functioning.  How hard could it be? 

Very hard. 

I had started working float pool (call at 4:30 a.m. and they tell you where you will work that day - not breezy) part time at the hospital on top of my full time school schedule.  It was instantaneous overload.  I enrolled in three semesters at Dixie.  I may have received two A's my entire Dixie State career.  Lame.  I enrolled in math twice, and failed, as well as biology three times. Did you catch that?  I failed Biology THREE times!  Super lame. That is one of the things I am most embarrassed of.

After my third crash and burn semester, I wasn't allowed to register for classes unless I met and discussed the WHAT IN THE SAM HELL was happening in my life to cause such poor academic performance with a college counselor.  I was incredibly nervous.  The counselor was nice enough, but by the time he had asked what was going on - I was in a complete meltdown.  I bawled - no, scratch that - I sobbed almost the entire meeting.  I had no explanation.  The only feeling I felt was stupidity.  Not in the foolish sense, but in the actually unintelligent sense.  I do not recall what happened in that meeting other than the realization that I could not be successful because I was mentally less intelligent than my peers.  I still cannot imagine a worse blow to your self esteem than believing you are actually stupid.  It still feels ugly now.

I did not attend school the next semester.  I stayed in St. George and continued to work two jobs, mostly because I was bored, until I built up the courage to go home. My parents were incredibly supportive, and I know they wanted me to come back.  I got two more jobs here and eventually I began to figure my life out. 

When I went back to school, I still worked full time, but I studied really hard.  I received a 3.9 GPA my first semester back.  To this day, since my return to college life, I have never had anything lower than a B+, and even that is a rarity.  I received A's in math and biology, without repeats - so all of my "friends" in St. George who laughed at my failed attempts in math and biology can suck on that, because you know what......

I AM NOT STUPID.

I am actually smart.

And it feels really good.